009: Show Up
The Experiment “Trio” shares the woes of dog sitting, their current unmet expectations and what it looks like when their personal kingdoms are threatened. Everyday, we fail to meet the endless expectations we place on ourselves. Everyday, these unmet expectations shape the way we see ourselves.
What would it look like to just show up everyday knowing you are already loved?
This week’s Practice:
Show Up
+ 009 Show Up - Transcript
Tim: Hey everybody. Thank you so much for listening to The 10000 Minute Experiment, please go check out 10000minutes.com if you want to get free text messages or get emails that will help you and remind you of what's going on here. And if this is encouraging to you, would you consider actually giving to 10000 minutes.com, which is actually a nonprofit? And then as always, would you rate, like and subscribe to this channel on whatever platform you're listening to? Thanks you guys.
Tim: Well, everybody welcome to The 10000 Minute Experiment.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: And to my depressed left-
Emmoe: Dead.
Tim: Sad. And we're going to talk through it.
Chris: Hey guys.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: Chris Cleveland.
Chris: Hey you all.
Tim: To my beautiful, right.
Emmoe: Thank you. I thought you were going to say anxious right. That's true too.
Tim: Radiant right. Radiant right, gosh, you're such a songwriter.
Emmoe: No, that's a toothpaste commercial.
Tim: [foreign language 00:00:50].
Emmoe: Hi. Hi everyone.
Tim: Okay. So you guys, this past week, we jumped in and real quick, right before this, Chris just said, right before we started, you said, why'd you even say that was her least favorite word?
Chris: You would... There was another word that you said that I couldn't say. Dribble?
Tim: No.
Emmoe: Dribble.
Tim: Dribble.
Chris: You said, I couldn't say dribble. And I said, you know what word I hate? Incubation. Because it's a little-
Tim: I said why? He said for obvious reasons.
Chris: Obvious reasons. It's sharp up top says ubation on the back, it's just a weird word. Makes me feel uncomfortable.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: Oh gosh. This has been my favorite beginning ever.
Chris: We don't... None of this is staged.
Tim: No, no, no, no.
Chris: It's just literally our personalities.
Emmoe: Oh boy.
Tim: Or our dysfunctions. One on three. Okay. So this week the experiment was all about expecting God that we would just walk around expecting God, not what he can do for us, but in our conversations, in our tensions, which I'm feeling wonderful tension at this table, chaos, anxiety, misunderstandings, and the beauty, what does it look like for us to expect God? Okay. So how did this week go? You started us out Chris, by saying that you're, would you say you're angry this morning? Little-
Chris: I said, I can't remember. It's not a great day.
Tim: Yeah. It's not a great day. And I was saying, are you, is it mad? Are you sad?
Chris: Yeah. And I think it's both, but as I think about, I've been thinking about it all morning, actually since last night or maybe all day yesterday too, a while.
Tim: For the past year.
Emmoe: Oh no.
Tim: It's like every day.
Emmoe: The past five years.
Chris: No, I think, so I'm in the middle of all of my record stuff.
Tim: So as I said this week, we are actually expecting God. And in this next section, Chris kind of goes through some of his unmet expectations with his job, but I would encourage you to put your own unmet expectations through the same lens as Chris talks about his story.
Chris: It's not just writing songs, you get into this for a love of music or ministry or whatever it is. And then you're like, oh, I wrote this song and I want it to get out into the world somehow and do its thing. But it's not that it's like, you write this song and then you have to do all this stuff. And then it has to go through the system. And by the time it actually makes it to the world. You're three years down the road and you don't care about this song anymore. It just doesn't matter.
Tim: Right.
Chris: And so I think what I have let myself do is create unrealistic expectations for what perhaps could be this next batch of songs and how they get released into the world. And now I am coming back down to reality and it's very disappointing to me. When all of that hits at once, it's like, oh my gosh, why am I even freaking doing this? That's what I'm thinking this morning.
Tim: Is this more about expectations of other people? Is it more expectations of yourself? And then I want to get to what the expectation of God is, in a few.
Chris: Okay. I think the expectation of myself is that I could change a system that I know how it works, and the expectation of people is maybe they could do better.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: Because we're operating in a world that is so slow, and I know that. And then I'm hoping that they'll figure it out, but I know they won't.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: So I'm setting myself up for failure. And then I guess the expectation of God is that He won't use these the way I want Him to, if it's a year after I want Him to do it. I guess.
Tim: Yeah. If it was not done in your timing.
Chris: Yeah. It's all me being upset that it's not my time.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: And not trusting God to use it in His.
Tim: Yeah. I mean, you're so much playing king in this situation.
Chris: Yes.
Tim: The king of the kingdom of Chris.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: And try that... I mean, this is what I do all the time. This is one of my main indictments on myself is that I have a little kingdom. It's called The Timmons Kingdom.
Chris: Yep.
Tim: And it's in the grander kingdom of God. And I'm like, God, let's do this together. My kingdom's going to totally push your kingdom and it's going to be great. But here's what I want to do. Here's how I think it should go.
Chris: Yep. And then it's like, no, no, no. We're not going to do it your way at all. Am I okay with that?
Tim: Apparently not this morning.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Emmoe: Do you feel like it's just this project or it's a thing you come up against every time?
Chris: I think I come up against it a lot.
Tim: What other areas?
Chris: Mainly in this thing, but I think it's, if I like really sit back and thought about it, I probably hit a wall like this each year for something, because I try to be both pessimist, optimist, realist, all of those things.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: But then when you let yourself go a little bit and then you get ripped back, man, it sucks. It sucks.
Tim: You totally just held back words you were about to say, that was so good.
Chris: It's all good.
Tim: It was so good. That was so friendly for the whole family. It does suck, that is such a hard process.
Chris: Yeah. It's like me setting up expectations I know are unrealistic, but I do it anyways.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: And then not trusting God to be in through and over it all.
Tim: Yeah. I mean, that was, it's literally the practice. And I think one of the gifts of being able to talk this stuff out with each other is that we get to go, oh, that's actually the point of the practice and the experiment is to then in the midst of it go-
Chris: Actually, I'm going to blame this experiment on why this happened. When people pray for patience and then they realize, oh God, no, that's what just happened. It's your fault, Tim.
Tim: You know what? You're welcome. You're so, so welcome.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: So today we're talking about expectations with God. Next week is we're going to be talking about expectations of ourselves.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: And then next week is expectations with others. So we're just going to be diving.
Chris: I got them all in. Yeah. You guys are going to really know how a record works by the end of this episode.
Tim: No, yeah, there's so much more, but this can go so much beyond just doing a record. I mean, this is expectations of how your kids grow up or how your work goes or, I mean, anything, of your house, how you want your house to look or how...
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: This hits all the buttons. It just specifically for you today hits that button.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Tim: And it's almost, maybe, that's kind of what you pay a lot of, most of your attention to.
Chris: Yeah [crosstalk 00:07:45].
Tim: Not in a bad way like that's-
Chris: For sure.
Tim: We all have things that-
Chris: That's where all my intention's going right now.
Tim: Yeah. Moi, are you happy today? Are you depressed today?
Emmoe: I'm anxious today. Guys, any dog sitters out there?
Tim: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. This morning Moe walks in and I'm doing this show tonight that both of these rad humans are going to hang with me doing, and Moe's like, I don't think I can go tonight. I'm like why? And she said-
Emmoe: Guys, I just don't, I can't leave these dogs. I'm attached.
Tim: She's house sitting.
Emmoe: I'm in a complicated relationship. You still do that on Facebook? That's what I'm in.
Tim: She's house sitting two dogs.
Chris: [crosstalk 00:08:24] it's complicated.
Emmoe: Yeah. I'm dog sitting. I wish I could tell you what kind of dog it is. I just don't know anything about dogs, but I know I love them and I'd give my life.
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: So I'm like, I can't.
Tim: How long have you been house, dog, sorry, not house, dog sitting?
Emmoe: Dog sitting, it's not child sitting. Since Saturday night.
Chris: Are you staying in the house with the dogs?
Emmoe: I am.
Chris: They sleep in the bed?
Emmoe: They sleep beside the bed.
Chris: Okay.
Emmoe: And the owner was like, you can leave them in the mud room. They can sleep there, lock the door. And I'm like, I'm not heartless. They could come sleep with me. And so in the middle of the night I wake up and I'm calling him because I'm like, where'd you go? I'm the needy one. Come back.
Tim: Oh my gosh.
Emmoe: It's just awful. I've been waking up at 5:30 AM just to let them out because I'm paranoid that, and I know I'm projecting on these dogs. I'm paranoid that they're holding it in because I'm an awful dog sitter. And they're like, this woman won't let us out to go pee. So I'm waking up 5:30. I got to get these guys out and they're just like, you woke me up.
Tim: Yeah. Yeah. Listen-
Emmoe: You've ruined my sleep.
Chris: They'll let you know.
Emmoe: That's why I'm eating grass. I don't know. I'm just-
Tim: Moe.
Emmoe: But my friends they're so kind, they gently are just like, hey, is there something with dogs? Or just taking care of somebody that triggers you?
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: And then I'm like, let's not talk about it. Anyways. I have till Monday, I can do this and they have to come over. So I had a friend come over and I was like, look at it. Is it sad? And she's like, it's so happy.
Tim: It's a dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Emmoe: And I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't be a mom. I can't do it. It's too much for my nerves.
Tim: No. You totally can. But that is such a good lesson. I love it. So Moe, she's like, I'm not going to come tonight because I've got to, I don't want to leave the dogs. I'm leaving them for this hour right now. So, I mean you pet them all the time?
Emmoe: Yes. I play with them. I let them have my shoes. I'm like, that can be your toy because you haven't played with anything for days. Have my shoes.
Chris: How much you house sit my dogs next time we leave? They'll have the best time.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: They will just be in heaven.
Emmoe: But for real.
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: Yeah. It's funny because it's dogs.
Tim: Right.
Emmoe: But when I don't know what's expected, I am triggered. Clear communication is a passion of mine.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: Okay. So I love conflict. I love talking about things over and over again until we get to the core. I'm all about collaboration. When a dog's not saying a thing, not even wagging a tail, I'm like you're depressed.
Tim: Yes.
Emmoe: And I know it because dogs wag their tails, I know that. I don't need a dog to know that, and you're not wagging yours. And so I'm just like, man, Moe, when I have to assume, I'm triggered and I assume the worst.
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: So it kind of made me spiral. And I was like, man, of course dogs would get me into a deeper layer of my spirit. But I was like, how long have I been thinking that, how long have I just been assuming the worst every time I don't know what's expected out of me or someone's not communicating with me? And it went all the way back to, and I think I mentioned it once to you Tim. But I think it was like around age 10 or nine when it just smacked me that I was like, oh, I will always sin. On earth. I'll always sin. I can't be perfect. And I can't live a perfect life. Even though I know everything that's expected of a holy life, I will always sin and He'll always have to give me grace. And I'm not okay with that. I feel like I'm failing somebody who's not failing me. And ever since then, when I don't know what's expected or I don't have clear communication or I'm dog sitting, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm failing in every way. And now I'm just going to have to accept it.
Chris: What about the age of 10-
Tim: Yeah. Good question.
Chris: Brings you into that? What happened then?
Emmoe: There was a season where my mom and I just did not get each other at all. And then my grandpa passed away. I never got to meet him. He passed away. And then I really didn't know my mom, I never knew what made her mad. I never knew what made her distant from me. And I think she was just a sad woman for a while. But for me it was like, I'm doing it all wrong and I'm trying to be the perfect child and I'm trying to get out of your way or make you laugh. And it was just a season where I was like, nope, there's no way around it. Sometimes you just don't check the boxes and eliminate the tension or the assuming or, you know?
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: And ever since then, I think I'm like, man, I kind of see God that way too, where a little bit of what you said where I'm like, what's the point of doing it? I wrote a scripture down actually that made me think of it from Proverbs 19:21 which says, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it's the purpose of the Lord that will stand." I used to read it like, that's right. I don't care what you do. I do what I do. And I'm like, oh, you're right. That's just the fact. And I'm going to try, but I'll mess it up. And He has to redo it with His plans and you know, He's always going to be covering up my messes and they never felt like gifts. They just felt like it's just it's what it is Moe. So I think ever since-
Tim: So how do you see it now?
Emmoe: I think I sometimes still see it that way.
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: I mean, I think 2020 was weird for everyone and it's a big season of wonder for me about myself and about God that I've never been in before, which is a gift. But I would say because of the disruption, I've been pushed into that. But before 2020, I've always seen it as I'm moving to a different city because I ruined it. I'm doing a different project because God had to redo my plans and you know, and I've always taken that verse kind of like, ugh, I'm trying to figure it out, but I always get it wrong.
Tim: So do you have a new thought of what it could be?
Emmoe: Yeah. I think I still have an expectation that God has to redo everything for me, but a part of me is also like, or he's just disrupting things all the time to get me to a more curious posture, a more, a place of wondering more of him instead of the one thing. Like, are you always mad? I don't know what upset you. And maybe it's more of like, oh, what am I delighting in today? What about you do I not know? I was just thinking about expectations, I'm like, man, I didn't know I had that one, but it comes up every time I'm triggered or every time I hit a wall, I'm like, that's right. Because I'm dumb. When I try to do something, you are like, well, in the end I have the last say.
Chris: You're seeing it as an authoritative parent, right?
Emmoe: I do. I do. And I think it's a reflection too of my season with my mom where I was like, I mean, you're the parent. So in the end I have to adapt to you. So I feel sometimes I have to just adapt to God, but I'm in a different season right now where I'm like, or He's just been inviting me in conversation with all these disruptions. They're not really failures of my expectation. They're just-
Tim: Gosh, you, I mean, you could hear the scripture. So it's, I'm just reading what Moe wrote Proverbs 19:21, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man or woman, human, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: I mean that could be read as, "You sucker."
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: "You blew it, but you know what, I'm going to make it right because I'm God and you suck."
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: Or you could read it-
Emmoe: As someone who favors me, so His plans will always stand. If I really remember God's character and I'm only expecting a God who loves me then expectations met or not, expectations on who God's character is, will always come through. And I think it just depends on how I'm seeing it, but it's rare that I see it in like, man, that's grace right there.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: That's Him coming through for me. Most of this time, I see it as like, yeah, because I can never live up to the expectation. Yeah.
Emmoe: [crosstalk 00:16:38] that place first.
Tim: Yeah. I've read it the same way, just so you know, you're not alone in that. But I think as I look at it and as I think of the bigger story that I've been trying to live and experiment with truly is that He is at work in all these things and working for the good. What, we could just go into a whole definition of good might be something we even rethinks at some point.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: Is what good is, because my version of good and his version of good may be really different.
Chris: Right.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: But it's almost more exciting to go, oh awesome. I'll make a bunch of plans. There's people saying, "Hey, what's the will of God? Should I do this job? Should I take this role?" Which I think is really dangerous. I think it's a dangerous way of living our lives.
Chris: Me too.
Tim: I mean, I've done it.
Chris: Yeah. Or I've said, oh, I felt God was leading me here, but I've always then come back and say, or did I? Or did I just make that decision? I was talking to a friend the other day and he was kind of in this thing where he was thinking about changing careers. He was just like, I'm just waiting for God to tell me what to do. And I just had this thought, I was like, you know what, man? And this is a little bit of my grandma who passed away last year. She's talking to my brother once he was talking about jobs and she says, listen, I believe God is everywhere. So go where the money is. And, I-
Emmoe: That's a merch.
Chris: Thought that's hilarious, but I was talking to my friend. I was like, man, I don't know that God has this one path for us. And I think that He's committed to be with us on the journey.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: And He will work our pass out for good, whichever path we choose. So I think He gives us a lot more free will in that than we might give ourselves credit for.
Tim: Yeah. I mean think about it even just expecting God. So if my expectations are that God will do X, Y, or Z, He will do this for me. He will show me where to go work, and maybe He does. I mean, who are we? He might do that with some people. And there have been moments in my life that I've thought, you know what? I've sensed this in my heart. It's either God or it's good pizza or something. It's something. I do expect that He is with.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: There's something so powerful about this past week, just in my experiment with this, just expecting God in my conversations, tensions, chaos, anxieties, misunderstandings, beauty, et cetera. I've had just a really stressful week. So I'm planning for this show I'm doing tonight and this video thing. But all the things that I do are all kind of happening this week. And so I've been super stressed and I've truly found rest in just expecting the nearness of God in it. It's been such a gift to me this week. Obviously there are moments I forget, hence why I look down at my wrist and see letter X, but that He is working through even my shortcomings and that He's just not deterred from me doing an A+ job at it or a B job at something.
Chris: So you're able to come in and say like, even in the stress, God I know you're going to work this out for my good or you're at least with me while we're doing it.
Tim: Yeah. Yeah. And that I think I have so much of my value attached to what I do and how good I do what I do.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: And even for God, I mean, it's why I tote this all the time. I don't work for God, I work with him, walk with him and I say it so much because it's what really has so much of my attention because my value truly, if I broke it down is in how good I can do for God.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: His expectations of me are like, hey dude, I made you, let's do this. Let's kill this.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: And so I'm like, okay, God, I'm going to do my best and rock it for you.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: And this week I just was like, oh, well you know what, God, you're going to do cool things. I'm just going to rest in that versus expect you to do awesome things. I'm going to let you do what you want to in the midst of this thing. And I'm just going to show up.
Chris: I like that.
Tim: So there's a girl that I've kind of adopted. One of my first tours, years ago, I met her and her mom and it's just a rough story. That's all hers to it. It's so many details of the story. So many hard details of the story of her folks. And gosh, that's a whole another story, yet we kind of adopted her, not literally, but just, I knew that this is a girl that I need to, I get to love for the rest of my life and the rest of her life, if she's willing. And she called me this week saying, text me saying, I think I'm pregnant. And she's in high school. I immediately was wanting to go into fix mode. Just how do I fix all that stuff?
Tim: But then as I stopped and was remembering the experiment was I'm going to expect God not to not make her pregnant or expect God to do any of these things or to change her mind, or, I was praying for that. But is she going to get an abortion? Is she, how do I help her in this? But I just stopped and was like, okay, you are at work in this situation. My expectation of you is that you're at work in this situation and that I don't have to fix her. That it was just so freeing to me in a stressful week when I was sober enough to remember it. That's what helped me.
Chris: Yeah. And then probably in that moment, you can be more present to her than trying to think.
Tim: Gosh, so true.
Chris: Try to have an angle.
Tim: So true.
Chris: And try and get her to do what you want her to do in some way. That probably helps her more in the long run than anything else.
Tim: I get so many thoughts this week of when it was hard for you or-
Chris: I've been trying to read more this week. Actually, when I first started going into real stress mode this week, I was like, okay, put my phone away. I honestly started going through all the things that we've been doing, get rid of the distractions, just kind of remove myself from it, reading a lot. So I was sitting in my garage, as people do, apparently, like the kid, I dropped the kids off for school.
Tim: Do you have a couch?
Chris: I come back... No, I just got a cheap fold. It looks real classy.
Tim: Yeah. Folding chair.
Chris: Yeah. Folding chair in my garage. People are running by, I'm just waving and, this is great. I have furniture in the backyard, but no I'm in the garage.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: With all the kid stuff and everything, reading my little book. And I just had this moment where I just tried to sit, the wind was blowing and I could kind of see the trees and the leaves moving. And it's like, is there a way to just meet God in this space, in this craziness. So there was a moment for me, in the midst of it where I'm like, okay, God, I just kind of take this stress. I can see the end game and I can see how God can move through stuff. But I feel I honestly put so much expectation in myself.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: And when that doesn't work out, try to pawn it off on God. It's like, now I'm going to see how far I can go before God has to step in.
Tim: Wow.
Chris: Not that I'm going to fail. It's like, no, no, no, I'm going to get this one right, God. I'm not going to fail this time. And you're not going to have to do this, just having a moment of saying, okay, let all this crap go away. Let's find each other, even in the breeze, it's just a good exercise for me that with everything going on my four-year-old, I told you, broke his foot this week. So we've had, because my eight-year-old fell on it, apparently. And man, it's just been craziness in our house. That one was pretty funny though. Because he's a cute little kid. The boot is the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Tim: Yeah. I thought you're a terrible dad for a second.
Chris: Yeah, yeah. No. The little boot on his foot is-
Tim: Is cute.
Chris: It's like-
Tim: I saw a little video of that.
Chris: It's really funny. I think expectations of God, sometimes I just don't even let it get there because I just continue to want to do it without Him.
Tim: Okay. But is that an expectation even in and of itself, even below that?
Chris: It has to be.
Tim: Do you expect God to not care about what you're doing? Do you expect him to be too busy? Do you expect-
Chris: Maybe it's all of it.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Chris: Maybe it's all of it. Maybe it's like, I've got to do it because no one else is going to. And it's got to be my way because no one else understands it. And so I'm probably both discounting God and not inviting Him into it enough and intentionally keeping my expectations low.
Tim: I mean, I do that all the time. Actually, I just lower my expectations of God because He's probably not going to hit it.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Tim: Or even come close or he is not going to do a dang thing. How I see it.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: And so I'm like, you know what? I'll just keep those expectations real low or I'll take care of it. God wasn't part of the equation.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: I'm so with you, I mean, I've said that many times and I'll say it many more times, but one of my main questions to God will be what was your part and what was my part, in this life? I just, I wrestle with that. I don't know. I know what I'm supposed to say. And I know if I'm with a real charismatic group, they'll be like, my gosh, you're such an idiot, Tim. This is what God's part of is.
Emmoe: Right.
Tim: So just let him do all, which I, gosh. Yes, yes and Amen.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: And I just, if I'm real.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: And if I'm honest, I don't exactly know what his role is and what my role is.
Chris: And I think the more you know, we turn the lights on in the church and turn them off when I was a kid, I've heard every sermon every way. I know what to say. I know how to do it. So then I think I push back on it, maybe intentionally, so if I didn't know all the things, I'm intentionally not doing those because I don't know maybe I want God to prove it or something. I'm not sure.
Emmoe: Trying to taste and see it yourself, maybe?
Chris: I guess.
Emmoe: Because I feel like that's what I do.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: I'm like, yeah, but I haven't actually experienced that. So I think I'm going to stop saying it or you know, stop repeating it, thinking it until I'm actually doing it.
Chris: I don't know. I find myself sometimes in those really Christian circles, using the language and I'm like, what the, if I said this to my kids-
Tim: Yeah. They would've no clue you're talking.
Chris: Would they get it?
Tim: Yeah. I think it's healthy to have a place where you can have a conversation and I don't have to fix you.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: You don't have to fix me. Hopefully God's bigger than that.
Chris: Yeah. And I think it's learning to trust and have the expectation that He is. And maybe on the outside of all of it, the 40,000-foot view is that God holds all this. Everything seems big when it happens. But as even huge things can seem less impactful, more insignificant with space and time and distance and God has all of those things. And so sometimes I think for us to shrink Him down to when my record comes out is so stupid.
Tim: Maybe not stupid, but just less-
Chris: It's too nearsighted.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: Or something.
Tim: We're at like a DEFCON 5 when it might be a DEFCON 1 in real.
Chris: Yeah, or not even DEFCON it's like, it just is.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Chris: And so I guess the balance for me then is saying, is God both intimate and personal in that. And so big that it's not a thing for Him. And still holds it. How does that relationship work?
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Chris: And I think that's what we're really trying to figure out.
Emmoe: Which is probably why Him also being seen as a father is important. Because I feel as a kid, that's what you see, you see someone that you're very intimate with and someone who has all the authority.
Chris: Right.
Emmoe: And is in control of the room when you're in it. And so you feel at home with Him, but you're also aware that He leads the atmosphere almost in a room. Does that make sense?
Chris: Yeah, that does.
Emmoe: So I feel like sometimes when we see God as a father, we're acknowledging both, He's a very intimate relational person with us [crosstalk 00:28:43] and He's also in charge of everything we've ever needed or wanted.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: And so with that reminder or lens, it's free to plan all these things and be creative and then still be okay with it not coming through because we're in relationship with someone who knows that part of our heart.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: Gosh, that's such a good analogy. I mean, I think of all the time with my kids, they'll complain about something and something is so heavy on them and I'm kind of going, oh my gosh. But-
Chris: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tim: You lost that game or you've got to stop playing games or, what I mean, the dumbest of dumb things. And you want to say as a parent, there are kids at China, you know that whole.
Chris: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tim: But really there's a similar feel of, oh man, I love you so much. And oh gosh, if you had a bigger view, which you don't and that's fine.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: You would have a little more sobriety of what's worth losing all of your sleep over and all of your attention over. I love that idea Moe. Thank you. That's helpful for me.
Tim: I know this concept of God as father can feel so trite, but what if it's actually true? And we can see God with this kind of fatherly wisdom and insight, what would it be like to say, God, would you give me your insight in these specific things that I'm going through right now? I want your view. I want your vision. So now we're going to get to know Chris Cleveland and right after that, we'll jump into this next week's experiment.
Tim: All right. We're back. And Chris, you are screwed. It is-
Emmoe: How?
Chris: Put it on my tab.
Tim: Yeah. Put it on my tab. So it's 10000 thoughts. So-
Chris: Okay.
Tim: We've changed it to 10000 thoughts, 10000 questions.
Chris: Okay.
Tim: And we'll probably change it at some point again.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Chris: That would be great.
Tim: 10000 dance moves is going to be coming up pretty soon. 10000 reasons.
Emmoe: 10000 bad dates. Can't wait for that one.
Tim: Ooh.
Chris: I've got great.
Emmoe: Hey, I got so many ideas guys. Keep me around. Keep me around.
Tim: Hey Moe, all right. So I'm just going to say a word and you just give me your thought.
Chris: Okay.
Tim: Once again, speed round.
Chris: Oh man, it's going to get inappropriate.
Tim: Okay. LaCroix.
Chris: I hated when I started liking it, made me so mad, but now I'm in.
Tim: Like addicted or?
Chris: I'm not addicted. Well, when the pandemic happened, we had to cut back.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: So I couldn't afford the $4 cases anymore. So it's a Bubly thing now. And then I realized-
Tim: Is Bubly cheaper?
Chris: Honestly don't know. But I was at the pool pounding Bublies last summer and I realized, what is it about these things? And it's like the exact consistency is like a Coors Light and it pushed me back to college days.
Tim: Oh yeah. It's totally the beer with no calories.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: Soda pops with no calories.
Chris: I was just living the life. It's Bubly now. Strawberry flavored.
Emmoe: Wow.
Tim: I'll give you all my strawberries.
Chris: I'll take it.
Tim: And we'll switch.
Emmoe: Wow. True friendship.
Chris: [crosstalk 00:31:47], she doesn't do bubbly. [crosstalk 00:31:48]. It's a weird way. She finds ones that Target will have for a season.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: And then buys all of them and then is disappointed when they're not there anymore.
Emmoe: Limited edition.
Tim: Okay.
Chris: [crosstalk 00:32:01] that much from LaCroix, did you?
Tim: Yeah, yeah, I did.
Tim: Christmas.
Chris: Oh, the first thing I thought was God, we have to drive so far. My wife would be like, yeah, that's what he's thinking about. My wife buys all the presents. She does all of it so well, I tend to procrastinate, buy them a really expensive gift to make up for it. But this year we told all the family, two years ago, we are not going anywhere. You want Christmas with us? Come here. But also Franklin like Oprah Magazine, says Franklin is the second best place in the world for Christmas. So just throwing that out there.
Tim: Yeah FYI. And maybe we do a Christmas tour called Christmas With Us. I mean, you just said that.
Chris: Let's go.
Tim: That feels so right.
Chris: Christmas With Us. We're in.
Tim: Instead of God with us?
Chris: Christmas [crosstalk 00:32:54].
Tim: You mean, Christ mass.
Chris: (Singing).
Tim: Okay. Favorite cuisine.
Chris: Just chicken.
Tim: Really?
Chris: Yeah. In general. It could be 1000 different ways.
Tim: Do you like hot chicken? Natural hot chicken?
Chris: I do.
Emmoe: Ooh.
Chris: There's not really a chicken type I dislike.
Tim: Really?
Chris: I bet you, I eat a whole chicken every day.
Tim: That's what you've said before. That is inappropriate.
Chris: I know, but it's just true.
Tim: Here's... Can I just get real real quick?
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: I know this isn't a thing for me, but I don't like most chicken because they, oh gosh-
Emmoe: You're not feeling-
Tim: Sorry guys. I almost just barfed.
Chris: What is it?
Tim: There is a tendon that you get in chicken when you make it, that's that little hole. I literally-
Chris: I don't make, I can do that if I'm trying to make [crosstalk 00:33:38].
Tim: I think ubation going on right now, in my heart right now.
Emmoe: Let's go. Guys, get me out of here.
Chris: I can see the light in the chicken house incubating the eggs.
Tim: Yes.
Chris: Oh, this is full circle.
Emmoe: Getting an Uber as we speak.
Chris: The thing is about chicken is I know it's the least calm denominator. Even if it's dry, I can eat it with some sauce. The worst version of chicken is still edible and if I'm in Honduras and I need something to eat, a little chicken on a steak will do.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: If I'm in-
Tim: Which is every Tuesday.
Chris: Yeah. It's great.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: Wherever you are.
Tim: Honduras. Yeah.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: Any other places?
Chris: In the world.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: New York city.
Tim: Yeah. [crosstalk 00:34:17] Name three other places that you could be.
Emmoe: Chicken on a steak in New York, am I right?
Chris: You could be in Dalma.
Tim: Go. Two more.
Chris: You could be in Haiti.
Tim: One more.
Chris: You could be in Munich. They don't have much chicken in here actually.
Emmoe: Chicken on a stick in Munich?
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: I mean-
Chris: Munich is more like all, when I was-
Tim: Give me three more cities. Go, go, go, go.
Chris: You could be in Frankfurt.
Tim: Go.
Chris: Let's just skip Germany going.
Tim: Go.
Chris: You could be in my hometown of Owasso, Oklahoma.
Tim: One more.
Chris: Or you know, Brentwood, Tennessee.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: Chicken tastes the same everywhere.
Tim: Wow. It's great.
Chris: (Singing).
Tim: Okay. Last thing that made you laugh really hard.
Chris: Oh gosh. Probably-
Tim: Apparently, your son breaking his leg.
Chris: Yeah. More of the video of him, my wife. It was like, what happened to your foot? And he said," Broke it!" Like the happiest that he's ever and I was like, oh my gosh, this kid. He's so funny. He's a little bit of Jesus for me. He showed me some bright things in life even in the midst of broken bones.
Tim: Love that.
Chris: Cute little four-year-old kid.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: Bad habit.
Chris: Oh, so many. Oh man. Right now, I think I literally need a 12-step program because I'm addicted to fruit snacks.
Speaker 2: I'm addicted to fruit snacks. I'm addicted to fruit snacks.
Chris: It sounds stupid. And y'all don't @ me, but I'm for sure addicted.
Tim: Really?
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: How many packs do you have a day? It's okay. This is a safe place.
Emmoe: Yeah. Yeah.
Chris: It could be a box.
Tim: What's a box, a Costco box? Are we talking-
Emmoe: [crosstalk 00:35:50] give us the number. It's the first step. Just give the number.
Tim: You have 20 bags?
Chris: 20 bags, easy.
Emmoe: A day?
Tim: I'm not judging.
Chris: I grab them in handfuls.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: Multiple times a day. If they're in my house, they're gone in a day. It's bad.
Emmoe: It's not you though, it's the small packaging.
Chris: It's bad.
Tim: It's, you know what? Let's blame that. Let's blame that. We'll blame the small packaging.
Chris: I'm really addicted.
Tim: Yeah. This is a safe place.
Chris: That's my worst habit right now. And my wife told me the other day, she's like, hey, could you start instead of telling me the things that you don't like, maybe start saying the things that you think are going good-
Tim: In life?
Chris: In life. So I have a bad habit of pointing out the things that are going badly.
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Chris: I was like, I'll try. I really love this maple tree in our backyard, and the shade that it provides.
Tim: But the leaves that it leaves-
Emmoe: Don't get me started.
Chris: That's right.
Tim: And the dogs, the pee on this when Moi brings her dogs over.
Chris: I know.
Emmoe: Oh no, I miss them.
Chris: My stupid puppy.
Tim: I was going to say current obsession, but you might have just said it with the-
Chris: With the fruit snacks?
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Chris: Yeah. I'm trying to get my life back to some sort of normalcy and make sure that I'm providing for my family, which is going to spiral into more habits and decisions.
Tim: [inaudible 00:37:10].
Emmoe: Sweet.
Tim: All right.
Chris: I guess I can see it.
Tim: Crocs.
Chris: Oh, who's that guy with all the face tattoos that has his own brand?
Tim: Post Malone.
Chris: Post Malone's got his own. I haven't dove into the Crocs yet.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: I haven't. But I am doing socks and slides, which I feel is one step away from Crocs.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: But I found these really comfy kind of cushion slides, but I haven't gone full Croc.
Tim: Wow. That's all I got.
Chris: You could go for days.
Emmoe: I mean bonus round though because I do have one. I feel like everybody has an intense reaction.
Tim: Ooh, go.
Emmoe: Nicholas Cage.
Chris: I'm fine with Nick. You know what I mean?
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: The National Treasures are a treasure.
Tim: Yeah. Always.
Chris: That dude has stayed busy.
Tim: Yep. Yep.
Chris: He's not the best looking man in the world, but my gosh, he's like A-list actor. Is he like the equivalent of Nickelback for the acting community?
Tim: That is incredible. Say that again, Nicholas Cage
Chris: Is the equivalent of Nickelback.
Tim: Wow. Okay. Okay. Say-
Chris: Because-
Tim: Say what Nickelback is-
Chris: To music, Nicholas Cage is to acting. Really successful.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: Lots of people hate him.
Emmoe: There's no lie.
Chris: You know what I mean? I don't know.
Tim: Well, I love his movies. So if you're watching right now-
Chris: Nick.
Tim: Nick, I love your movies and I'll watch them anytime.
Chris: Gone in 60 Seconds. Let's just name some classics.
Emmoe: Guys, Face/Off. Face/Off.
Tim: They, oh, Face/Off. So strong.
Emmoe: That was a good one.
Tim: Yeah. I will, generally, when I see it, I'll go, ugh, but I'll watch it.
Chris: And then watch the whole thing.
Tim: I'll watch the crap out of that thing.
Chris: That's right. I kind of wish that I would take that career.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: I don't care if people like me.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: I'm going to cash some checks.
Tim: Yeah. They don't. That's the coolest part. I feel like you're what Nicholas Cage.
Emmoe: So we understand Nicholas Cage.
Chris: I get it. I get it, Nick.
Emmoe: We get it.
Chris: Receding hairline right there with you.
Tim: Okay.
Chris: It's all good.
Tim: I mean, why'd you look at me?
Chris: I didn't, I'm talking about myself.
Tim: It's fine.
Chris: You can get that far in your life. That successfully. Yeah. I feel the same about Mark Wahlberg.
Emmoe: Okay, yes.
Tim: I loved him in Passion of the Christ. That's, we watched that most days
Chris: Yeah. He was the Centurian.
Emmoe: No, no, no. He was Barnabas.
Chris: Just shredding. Just jacked over there.
Tim: I mean, just all ripped.
Emmoe: I can't-
Chris: Rock Star.
Emmoe: With you guys.
Tim: Okay. So this week, this upcoming week. Wait, what band was Mark in?
Emmoe: Is it, not New Kids, is it New Kids?
Tim: Was he New Kids?
Chris: Oh, no, his brother was New Kids on the Block.
Emmoe: Oh, right, right, right.
Tim: In sync?
Emmoe: No.
Chris: He was a Calvin Klein model.
Tim: Wasn't he in one of the bands though? Wasn't Mark?
Chris: I don't think he was. He was in Rock Star, the movie.
Tim: Marky Mark and the F-
Chris: Marky Mark was a rapper.
Emmoe: Oh.
Tim: Yes. And the fresh bunch.
Chris: Don't ask me.
Chris: Fresh bunch?
Emmoe: Fresh bunch?
Chris: This is bad.
Emmoe: This was Mickey Mouse Club band. I just know it. [crosstalk 00:40:25].
Tim: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunk, Funky Bunch. Shoot.
Chris: I don't think that's [crosstalk 00:40:31].
Tim: Say funk bunch five times 1000.
Chris: I don't want to say that.
Emmoe: Don't do it. You know the ending.
Tim: Back to Crocs.
Chris: Period.
Tim: Okay. So this week's experiment we're diving into, I think it'll be really great. I know it'll be really great. So the expectations we've been talking about expect, expect God, this past week. Then this is about self and next week is about expectations of others. So this week we're going to talk about what are our expectations of ourselves walking into life? What do we expect from ourselves?
Tim: I expect perfection.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: I really do. When I drop something, I mean, Hillary's so often getting on me about this, because I will drop something and I'm like you idiot. I mean, literally, and sometimes now I don't say it because I've got kids and I know they're watching, so I won't say you idiot anymore, but in my heart I'm like, oh, you're such an idiot. You knew that was going to fall.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Chris: I tend to blame other people, I think. Same thing though, but I'm like, no, I was good. You screwed this up.
Tim: Your expectation then is that you were right.
Chris: That I was probably right. But there's no way that I am every time. Is there?
Emmoe: No, it's similar. I think I had a friend once, just out of the blue like I don't think I've ever seen you trip. I was like, oh, I trip all the time. But in my head I'm like, no, cause I'm always watching my step, but it was true. And then I think I did trip and it was kind of like, everyone just kind of froze because I also relate with perfectionism. I live in the peripheral vision of my world. I'm always seeing what's close to the outside of my sight, so I'm prepared.
Chris: Are you okay with like, do you expect reasonable things from yourself?
Tim: Mine are realistic. My expectations of myself are realistic. I know what I can do and I know I can do it.
Chris: At peak performance.
Tim: But if, thank you, at peak performance, I can totally do these things.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: But I'm just, it's impossible to be at peak performance at all times.
Chris: Yes.
Tim: So I get really mad at myself with those things. I think sometimes my expectations of my parenting. I have got really high expectations of my parenting.
Emmoe: Yeah.
Tim: But I pretty much blow that every day.
Chris: Yep.
Tim: And it's been really hard. I think it's why parenting has been so hard for me and I love it. Gosh, I love my kids so much, but they also are revealing things in me that are broken.
Chris: Yep.
Tim: And one of those things is my expectations of myself and how things should go.
Chris: Can you guys, when you know your expectations are not going to get met, can you still stay in it and be okay with missing the mark, but still doing well? Or do you bail?
Emmoe: My expectations on me clash with the expectations of others about me. Does that make sense?
Tim: Okay. So these two are going to be pretty convoluted?
Emmoe: Yes. People see me in a way that I do not see myself. All the time. All day. I used to tell my counselor, I think I have, without trying to offend anyone with this word, but I'm like, I think I have love dysmorphia. I think people see me in a way and I'm like, what? No, that makes no sense. So even with singing, I don't know how to accept when people are like, man, you are a person who riffs and I'm like, no, I'm not. Don't even ask me to do it. I'm not that kind of R&B singer, I promise. Or you're this, you're just hilarious. I'm like, no, I'm not just, I'm awkward. And they just clash. And so my expectation of me when I walk into a room and [inaudible 00:44:17] as you'll tell I'm just very observant for a while because I'm waiting to see what is expected of me.
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: That's something I clash with all the time.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: Where people are like Moi is this and I'm like, where did you get that from? Because I'm this and this is what I'm expecting of me. And they never line up. So that's a thing with me.
Tim: Does God have expectations of us?
Chris: Sometimes I feel like God's expectations aren't as high as mine. And maybe they're not, I don't know.
Tim: I mean, go there. So what does God expect? I mean, might be the wrong word, but let's just go with it.
Chris: Maybe just to be and whatever else happens is good. And just to be, for me is a death sentence, in my mind. I can't sit on the couch. I can't like, even if I'm sick, I can't stay still. I need to feel like I'm doing or achieving or earning, even in scripture. It's like, there's so many times when He is like, just be still.
Tim: Right.
Chris: Lead me beside the still water. It's like lay me down in these pasture, there's all of these rest moments, it's like be still and know I'm God.
Tim: I'm so with you. My expectations of myself, I can't just sit and watch TV, without feeling crazy guilty. I mean, so I don't, I just, and if there's moments that I do, I'm like, oh, you could have been doing X, Y, or Z. Such a high expectations on me. But again, it's based on my value for God. Yeah. So my expectations of myself are based on my value.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: And in this week's experiment is because I'm already loved from a place of being already loved and valued, just show up. Be here now.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: That's actually the practice.
Chris: Dang it.
Tim: It's just show up, be here now where we are, as just loved.
Chris: Yeah.
Tim: That's going to be really hard for me and I don't know how to do that. And that's kind of why I wanted to make an experiment. What would that look like?
Emmoe: It makes me think of Oswald Chambers. That's my guy.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: See.
Emmoe: I could quote him for days.
Chris: [crosstalk 00:46:25] right now.
Emmoe: He would say like, what is the will of God? You are the will of God. And that would just be like, no, cause I don't know who I am and I don't know what I'm supposed to be. And so don't tell me, I'm God's like already happy with me and in love with me and all these things. I'm like, no, that gets me so lost in my head. Because I'm like, but I still don't know what that's supposed to look like or be.
Tim: Wow.
Emmoe: Bark to the freaking dogs. I don't know what's expected so I can't fulfill what you need. And sometimes I'll do that with myself. I'm like, I don't know why I'm mad. I don't know why I'm irritated. I don't know why I feel like this.
Tim: Yeah.
Emmoe: Expecting to endure all the time or overcome all the time because that's who I've been made in victory and it's like, man, just be present in your emotion, just be present in a day full of whatever it is.
Chris: Yeah.
Emmoe: Instead of just like, no, God expects me to be an endurer.
Tim: Well, I expect that God expects me to be, yeah.
Emmoe: Exactly. Which is really what it is, right? He's not like, dang Moe, it's 2:00 PM. It's been four hours. I've been praying the same thing. I think he's just like, I love you and I'm here with you.
Chris: God is more like the dog.
Emmoe: Right. He's like I just-
Chris: When I walk this dumb dog that we have, this stupid puppy, I'm mean to it, to be honest guys. So I ignore him, her. I like-
Tim: You don't even know the gender of the [crosstalk 00:47:52].
Chris: Yeah. It doesn't even matter. This dog, every time I come home, loses her mind.
Tim: Yeah.
Chris: Excited to see me.
Tim: It is fascinating.
Chris: And I just look at my wife and I'm like, what is this? Maybe God's kind of doing the same thing. Just loses His mind to be with us. And we're like, what? Me? What? I haven't even been kind to you, ever. Yeah. This would be interesting.
Tim: Okay. So this week, the experiment that we're going to try is because we're already loved, just show up, show up in that place. That is the experiment. So what would that look like this week and whoever you're doing life with, or I don't know, figuring life out with, why don't you just talk to them about this or even just invite them into this. Maybe even have them check out this podcast. So you can do this with them. It's so much better when we can do this in relationship versus just trying to do it alone. So who are you doing this stuff with? Even doing these experiments with because I guarantee you that you'll be different on the other side of it. So let's try that this week with our expectations of ourselves because we're already loved. Let's just show up with that posture.
009-Trio-Square.jpg